I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
