I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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