I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I could make wine with my vomit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
