she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
