Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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