I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
