my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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