She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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