I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My ass is underappreciated
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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