Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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