He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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