his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
