well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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