Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
