The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize