Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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