I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
