Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize