I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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