in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
