As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
