At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
