The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
