Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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