I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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