Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
