i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I only lived at night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
