The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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