I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
