Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
