I want to walk on stilts...naked
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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