Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
