he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize