She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
