she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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