I seem to have left my pride at pride
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
