I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize