I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
