Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
