Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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