Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
