don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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