He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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