We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
