This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
