So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
