I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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