Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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