true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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