Screwed.edu
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize