Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize