I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
