Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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