They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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