My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
