he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
