WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
