HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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