My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize