she looked like the before picture.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
