is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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