My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
