Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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