just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
