you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
