You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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