I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
